You all know that Shiva Nata has been a passion of mine ever since I first heard about it and started practicing it. From the very beginning, I knew that I wanted to get to the point where I could teach it.
I didn’t know when I would be ready to make that happen, but I knew it would happen. Some time. In the future.
When I first met Havi last summer, she assured me I could start teaching right away. Really? Hmm… clearly, I wasn’t quite feeling like I was ready. At that point, I was in a hard place in my practice, and from the vantage point I had in the depth of my stuckness, I couldn’t see how I could be of any use to my eventual students. Still, she said she’d come to my class once I’d have started teaching – that was powerfully motivating!
Fast forward several months to this past January, when I’ve had the chance to spend time with Havi again at her wonderful Destuckification retreat. She reiterates that I don’t have to wait after anything to get started teaching Dance of Shiva. This time, I feel like I am indeed much closer to feeling ready to do it. Still, there are all those questions floating in my mind – but how? where? who? and I can’t even talk about it in a semi-coherent manner, so how would I go about telling people they have to try this? etc. – and no answers, of course.
Since then, shifts and transitions have happened. Things have moved. But I was still there with my questions and no answers. Teaching Shiva Nata was still something I’d do at some indeterminate point in the future.
Until that one day two months ago when everything snapped into place
I am involved in the storytelling world, and I knew I wanted to offer our local storytellers to teach them Shiva Nata – it was one of those “one day” plans. It just so happened that that day, I realised I didn’t want to wait any more: I had to make that plan move forward. I didn’t want to wait until their last meeting before the summer break because I wanted something to happen before next Fall. At one meeting a month, I could see the summer break coming extremely fast! So I had to think fast and quickly make up my mind because they had a meeting coming up a few days later. If I missed that opportunity to go and present the idea, I’d have to wait for another month before anything happened. I was scared, but the thought of a one month delay was not comforting.
I had reached the point where I had to do something even though I was scared.
That was big. You see, I was completely scared because teaching Shiva Nata to those storytellers was the only possibility I could see. As long as it was just an idea, it had some potential, but if I presented it and it turned out they weren’t interested, I was left with nothing in front of me. Hey, what happened to that huge shift in perspective? Well, it still holds true. Yes, the idea of retaining the potential in that opportunity and not risking to get confirmation that it wouldn’t work was tempting… and yet, I didn’t let it stop me. I went ahead and did what needed to be done for me to be invited to talk about Shiva Nata and do a demo at their next meeting, a few days later.
And this is when the magic happened
As soon as I have sent that message letting that group know I wanted to go to their meeting to present my offer, my mind started reeling with ideas. Other people I could contact, other places I could teach, ways I could make this thing happen. The storytellers were no longer my only option. And the meeting hadn’t even taken place yet!
Simply, making that first step opened the way for ideas to come forward. It told my mind I was ready to get this thing moving, so the ideas could now flow. And some of the ideas I had were hugely ambitious, yet nothing seemed too big.
That was amazing.
To make a long story shorter
I became a Shiva Nata teacher one month ago, when I taught that free introductory class I had set up for the storytellers. I loved it, and can’t wait to do it again. I don’t have a regular thing going on yet, nor have I sent proposals to the other people and places I have in mind.
I haven’t stopped dreaming, though. And, just as importantly, I’m still baby-stepping my way towards making this thing happen.
Also, through this experience I have learned – in such a way that now I know deep down inside – two things:
One, I am a Shiva Nata teacher. (Wow! I said it out loud! And I believe it. And it feels good. Wow.)
And two, when I don’t have all the clarity I think I need before I can move forward, I can make the smallest of steps and that will light up the next part of the path.